yeahwriters:
Today my cat was sleeping on my pillow while I made my bed. So I made my bed around her.
you just built her a fort that was probably her plan all along
what are you doing in my purse cat? no, we cannot go on a shopping spree.
get off of there cat. my laptop is not your pillow and i don’t need my coworkers to ask me once again about the cat hair on my computer. it’s embarrassing.
Get off of there cat. i don’t want your patoot in my face.
get off of there cat. you are not a granny square.
oh hey, cat. you aren’t my clothing. but you sure do look damn cute.

How did you even get there, cat? I told you not to sneak out.
oh come on that text can’t have been THAT funny.
get out of there cat. you can’t even use an ab lounger. you don’t care about fitness- You’re 21 pounds.
get out of there cat. you are not a beautiful, blossoming flower. and don’t eat them either.
get off of there cat. i know my cooking smells good but smashing your head repeatedly into the screen still won’t guilt me into giving you any of it.
if you pop that air mattress you’re gonna be in trouble. that is not there for you to play on.